It was all going so well, till out of the blue. I knew there had been no fight. Huge had been so happy and bubbling about Julian’s birthday the next...week and where Julian had said they would celebrate-in Paris. Which gave me the immediate idea of the car wreck in France. I had to say something, didn’t I? He was so in love with Julian. He collapsed after denying over and over it was not true. As it got worse and worse. As my cousins came to stay with us. Yes. Julian may very well be dead. He. None-the-less a nagging doubt in my conscience causes me to gently but firmly arrest the hand's progress. Breaking off an endless interplay of lips and tongue with a gasped a deep inhalation. "Oh please, please, we can't do this, we really can't, I am married". My voice is thick with emotion. "Yes, so am I but I need you, I love you" Love? How could that word apply to the two of us? We are friends, good friends whose partners too are friends; it cannot be more. The arm pulls me close once. At the weekend, with money being a bit tighter we couldn't celebrate the anniversary abroad but checked into a hotel near to the swinger club.We went out for a normal night out but towards the end of the night suggested we should visit the club, Julia wasn't mad keen initially, but as she drank a little more changed her mind.We visited the club and found there was hardly anyone there, and I was disappointed that my hope of having a couple swap for the first time wouldn't happen. Anyway, we made. Not even Paul, who is away for a meeting. By the time he comes back, all the marks will be gone. I cry and cry. Parker lets me cry without interruption until only intermittent sobs shake my frame. He has his first and only nice, spontaneous gesture to me. He brings some Kleenex and puts them to my nose. With his help, still spread-eagled, I manage to blow my nose. I try to smile at him."Thanks" I whisper.He moves behind me. I can no longer see him. He waits for my signal. He will not start.
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